Nah, the drug remark was a joke. I don't need drugs to perceive the world correctly...or incorrectly.

Rudwah, welcome to club of confused good men who have burned by the modern western woman. The modern western woman is a walking contradiction. They want men who are confident and assertive but not too assertive. They want guys who are sensitive and compassionate but not too sensitive. Then they end up dating the jerks anyway and you as the good friend never hears the end of it. "All guys are pigs" they say, as if they've never been approached by good worthy men. I know it's hard now because of our natural desire for female companionship but, you should never EVER beat yourself up over any woman. Many of them are not worth the heart ache. I suggest, taking some time away from relationships and work on bettering yourself. Once you are in a better place emotionally and mentally, then you can reapproach the subject of relationships. Don't let your age be a discouragement. Many men in the 30's or later find better relationships because of their maturity.

(January 2, 2017, 10:07 pm)orta03 Rudwah, welcome to club of confused good men who have burned by the modern western woman. The modern western woman is a walking contradiction. They want men who are confident and assertive but not too assertive. They want guys who are sensitive and compassionate but not too sensitive. Then they end up dating the jerks anyway and you as the good friend never hears the end of it. "All guys are pigs" they say, as if they've never approached by good worthy men. I know it's hard now because of our natural desire for female companionship but, you should never EVER beat yourself up over any woman. Many of them are not worth the heart ache. I suggest, taking some time away from relationships and work on bettering yourself. Once you are in a better place emotionally and mentally, then you reapproach the subject of relationships. Don't let your age be a discouragement. Many men in the 30's or later find better relationships because of their maturity.

Wow, Orta03, that is impressive. I agree with you on the phrase "modern western women." I would much rather have a non-Western wife, if that makes sense. They are more family oriented. I would love for my wife/girlfriend/baby mama to stay at home and raise our kids right. Teach them how to read and write, teach them morality, rather than both of us be in the workplace and our kids be at the mercy of failed public school systems.

And this "all men are pigs" statement, holy fuck did that happen like 2 weeks ago. My best friend, drunkenly texted me, freaking out because her heroin addict boyfriend is sleeping with their 8 year old daughter's friend's mother. Who is only 25. My best friend is 29, her boyfriend is 31. I reiterated my statement that she should leave him and come marry me and we can run away and she reiterated the "I can't, there is no way to escape" statement she always says. Then she was like "all men are pigs, you're pig too!" I had ONE sexual encounter in my life, it was with a pregnant escort on December 12th, 2016, it was the greatest moment of my life and I had to use my finances and connections to FORCE it. I took my destiny and life into my own hands. I made the conscious decision to lose my virginity then. How dare she tell me I'm a pig? She has 2 illegitimate children, got pregnant at 19, that's "piggish" if my own actions are piggish as well.

I just don't want to let this opportunity slip away but like I said, I will give her one last chance, my old HR supervisor, if she fails to come over for my family function on Friday, despite her promise, then I will just ignore her and let her fade away. I'll text her around my birthday, see if she wants to keep that promise of pretending to be pregnant and giving me whatever I want lol.

And yes, THAT is piggish because that is using someone.

(January 2, 2017, 10:38 pm)Rudwah

(January 2, 2017, 10:07 pm)orta03 Rudwah, welcome to club of confused good men who have burned by the modern western woman. The modern western woman is a walking contradiction. They want men who are confident and assertive but not too assertive. They want guys who are sensitive and compassionate but not too sensitive. Then they end up dating the jerks anyway and you as the good friend never hears the end of it. "All guys are pigs" they say, as if they've never approached by good worthy men. I know it's hard now because of our natural desire for female companionship but, you should never EVER beat yourself up over any woman. Many of them are not worth the heart ache. I suggest, taking some time away from relationships and work on bettering yourself. Once you are in a better place emotionally and mentally, then you reapproach the subject of relationships. Don't let your age be a discouragement. Many men in the 30's or later find better relationships because of their maturity.

Wow, Orta03, that is impressive. I agree with you on the phrase "modern western women." I would much rather have a non-Western wife, if that makes sense. They are more family oriented. I would love for my wife/girlfriend/baby mama to stay at home and raise our kids right. Teach them how to read and write, teach them morality, rather than both of us be in the workplace and our kids be at the mercy of failed public school systems.

And this "all men are pigs" statement, holy fuck did that happen like 2 weeks ago. My best friend, drunkenly texted me, freaking out because her heroin addict boyfriend is sleeping with their 8 year old daughter's friend's mother. Who is only 25. My best friend is 29, her boyfriend is 31. I reiterated my statement that she should leave him and come marry me and we can run away and she reiterated the "I can't, there is no way to escape" statement she always says. Then she was like "all men are pigs, you're pig too!" I had ONE sexual encounter in my life, it was with a pregnant escort on December 12th, 2016, it was the greatest moment of my life and I had to use my finances and connections to FORCE it. I took my destiny and life into my own hands. I made the conscious decision to lose my virginity then. How dare she tell me I'm a pig? She has 2 illegitimate children, got pregnant at 19, that's "piggish" if my own actions are piggish as well.

I just don't want to let this opportunity slip away but like I said, I will give her one last chance, my old HR supervisor, if she fails to come over for my family function on Friday, despite her promise, then I will just ignore her and let her fade away. I'll text her around my birthday, see if she wants to keep that promise of pretending to be pregnant and giving me whatever I want lol.

And yes, THAT is piggish because that is using someone.

Yep. It's typical. They'll blame their poor judge of character on men and not take responsibility for it. I think part of the problem is our modern society has told women that it's never their fault for their poor choices. Can't find a man? Something is wrong with guys! You seem to always date jerks? Well all men must be jerks! I can't tell you how many "where have all the good men gone" articles I've read written by clueless writers. The good guys have always been there, it's just that many women are absolutely s****y judges of character.

It's funny you mention foreign women. There's a growing trend of men going to other countries to find wives. My advice is to let go of your friend. She has to live with the poor choices of her life. There's no need for her to drag you down too. When you're ready to start dating again, there are other more deserving women out there who won't take your affection for granted.

Now, when you say let go of my friend, you mean my best friend?! No way, she's my best friend!

My HR supervisor, who is a friend, and I want to date, her, I will let her go after one final test with her. But not my best friend, she saved my life form a horrible incident in 2008 and I owe her a life debt because of it. If she continues to make stupid choices that I can't rectify, I must be there to provide her with a shoulder to cry on.

And back to foreign women, when I was 25, I tutored a Turkish girl in English, an 18 year old fresh from Istanbul to the US. The tutoring turned into us openly considering dating, like, flat out drawing up an agreement also, she asked if we ever had kids if they would have to be raised Orthodox or Muslim. I told her the children would be raised both and would have to choose. If we had daughters and they wanted to wear hijabs like their mother, they were to wear what they wanted. But then her highschool boyfriend proposed to her and they moved back to Istanbul. That was all in 2013. She was very committed to her education and wanted to be a literature major, she was learning English and Arabic. Her mother made fun of her for wearing a hijab as Turkish women don't generally wear it. I remember working with her one day and she was super upset over it and couldn't verbalize it in English, so we worked it out in Turkish as best we could. I remember almost no Turkish though. Beyond hello, goodbye, that stuff.

Every single time I hear of an attack there, I weep a little. I wonder if my dear friend is still alive. Americans are so entitled and women tend to be so hell bent on dating around or whatever and never forming a meaningful relationship. Or their poor life choices lock them into a nightmare. I don't date anyone for any other reason then to potentially marry them. To date to just date is foolish. I plan ahead, my life has milestones to be met. One who fails to plan ahead is one who is doomed from the get go. Might as well go hang yourself if you can't form a coherent plan. Like, I have my life planned till 30. Work on my book, work at work, avoid committing suicide, take it from there. My best friend's only plan in life is to raise her kids without their dad beating them. My friend...the one I like, her only life plan right now, is again, to suck as many dicks as she can and then get back to her life at 30. That's 5 years away for her. She'll be old and used up, watch. She'll expend her body and be like my one cousin who is 38 and will never be married. It doesn't help that her personality in general, since she was like 16, has been like fucking sandpaper. Even her siblings hate her lmao.

(January 2, 2017, 2:55 pm)Rudwah So most of you vote for simply remaining silent and letting her fade out of my life, correct?

It is the ONLY course of action. And, in fact, "fade out" would be a poor way to describe it since it implies that her presence in or influence on your life will gradually wane. You need to amputate her from your life immediately. No talking, no texting, no social media, no meetings in person, nothing. Unfriend her. Delete her from your phone contacts. You initiate no contact, and I'd even ignore her for a good while if she tries to reach out. And if you lash out at her then it is not only not going to teach her a lesson, but it will also validate whatever feelings or thought processes she had that led her to cut you off to begin with. Nothing good can come from it.

I know it's hard to cope with. I've been in a very similar situation, as I described in one of your previous threads. It sucked for a long time, but my outlook didn't start improving until I finally and permanently put the erstwhile girl of my dreams in my rearview mirror.

Also, had to comment on this:

(January 3, 2017, 1:07 am)Rudwah Americans are so entitled and women tend to be so hell bent on dating around or whatever and never forming a meaningful relationship. Or their poor life choices lock them into a nightmare. I don't date anyone for any other reason then to potentially marry them. To date to just date is foolish. I plan ahead, my life has milestones to be met. One who fails to plan ahead is one who is doomed from the get go. Might as well go hang yourself if you can't form a coherent plan.

You would do well to abandon this idealist, condescending line of thinking as soon as possible, for the following reasons:

1. Your complaints are directed at women but it is hardly exclusive to women.
2. People may want companionship but not marriage.
3. Not everyone who wants to date is ready for a relationship that could lead to getting married.
4. People can date and have a meaningful relationship without it turning into marriage.

I was a lot like you: I didn't want to date anyone that I wouldn't potentially marry someday. The problem with people like you and me is that once we pick someone to date, we've already pictured her walking down the aisle. Unless she feels the same way (which is hardly always the case), that immediately puts the relationship on uneven footing.

You need to date just to date for a while. Acclimate yourself to dating, and probably even rejection. Learn to enjoy a relationship for what it is, not dread it for what it isn't. I wish I had earlier in life, because it really would've helped lessen the sting of rejection from the girl I was certain I'd grow old with. If you can do those things, when you finally find yourself in the "right" relationship it will be so much more rewarding.

Well, I'm not making any hard plans until I see my therapist, which would fucking be great if I could get an appointment. Haven't seen her since...like the 18th. Fuck these holidays, New Year's isn't even a fucking holiday. Well, Chinese New Year is...party hard day for me. Man, college was rad.

Anyways, yeah, I have all these ideas and opinions, I wrote them all down in my notebook and am TRYING to take them to my therapist so she can give me the final professional say and well, fuck me if she doesn't return a fucking phone call or text. I'm actually losing my patience over it. I wonder if THAT is impacting my mood. Honestly, I may just call the local suicide prevention number (which in my town is a joke like no other) and talk to one of their "therapists." Also, don't call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, it doesn't exist, it reroutes you to the local one at your county level, which is about as helpful as taking a hunting knife to your own tires. They don't treat the problem, they just want you to not kill yourself. Treat the problem, treat the symptoms.

I digress there. And to make matters worse, I'm off this week from work, so I turn my phone off when I go to bed to prevent them from calling me in. So if my therapist wants to get a hold of me, she better do it at an adequate time. I've been sick and haven't been sleeping at all so when I finally did fall asleep, it was 4am the other night so I was like "phone, off. I don't need called in for an 8 to 4:30." Aw, but at least I had the whole house to myself today to draw!!! Drew my little pregnant lady drawings, the sign of a perfectly normal, sound individual.

(January 3, 2017, 1:27 am)doubleintegral Also, had to comment on this:

(January 3, 2017, 1:07 am)Rudwah Americans are so entitled and women tend to be so hell bent on dating around or whatever and never forming a meaningful relationship. Or their poor life choices lock them into a nightmare. I don't date anyone for any other reason then to potentially marry them. To date to just date is foolish. I plan ahead, my life has milestones to be met. One who fails to plan ahead is one who is doomed from the get go. Might as well go hang yourself if you can't form a coherent plan.

You would do well to abandon this idealist, condescending line of thinking as soon as possible, for the following reasons:

1. Your complaints are directed at women but it is hardly exclusive to women.
2. People may want companionship but not marriage.
3. Not everyone who wants to date is ready for a relationship that could lead to getting married.
4. People can date and have a meaningful relationship without it turning into marriage.

I was a lot like you: I didn't want to date anyone that I wouldn't potentially marry someday. The problem with people like you and me is that once we pick someone to date, we've already pictured her walking down the aisle. Unless she feels the same way (which is hardly always the case), that immediately puts the relationship on uneven footing.

You need to date just to date for a while. Acclimate yourself to dating, and probably even rejection. Learn to enjoy a relationship for what it is, not dread it for what it isn't. I wish I had earlier in life, because it really would've helped lessen the sting of rejection from the girl I was certain I'd grow old with. If you can do those things, when you finally find yourself in the "right" relationship it will be so much more rewarding.

There is no need to acclimate myself with rejection. I have a very long list of it. I know rejection well. People exist to be used and to provide for each other. I am friends with my best friend because she provides me with fun, artistic inspiration, good conversation, and friendship in general. I am not friends with say, my ex from highschool because she tried to stab me to death so there's that lol. She doesn't provide me with anything other than terror!

The girl I want to get with provides me with companionship, provides me with a reason to leave me house, provides me with an outlet for just how miserable I am taking care of my parents. Like, this is going to sound horrible, but I was so angry at having to deal with them the other day, I almost wanted them to drop dead. I really don't want that, my parents are old and my dad is like Darth Vader with a broken respirator, so I have to take care of them and I'm supposed to. That is my duty as their son. But God, wouldn't it be great if every woman I bring to the house wasn't freaked out by the "is your dad not breathing?" Then I go "no, he does that sometimes, ignore it."

I am so enamored with this girl who comes from the same familial problems. I do NOT have to explain to her why my parents are the way they are, that is a huge selling point. My therapist says until I find a girl who can naturally understand my familial situation, I will never find a good girl for me. My ex didn't figure it out till one day when we were on vacation, she was like "Holy shit, I get it now." Then 6 months later, she had a pair of scissors and, well.

There are more issues here than I am qualified to comment on. Hope you get things figured out, bud.