Just try to enjoy your time together. It doesn't have to be so complicated. I used to be big into plans but have come to realize that life usually doesn't even follow them. Live for the moment, but don't do anything you know you'll regret. And I get the impression you know what you'd regret.

Going to do an update on this since there's more relevant information but it has to do with a different thing that's kind of involved,

Anyways things have been going well with me and this girl we moved in together and maybe partially by my influence she stopped having unprotected sex with people and has gotten into using condoms, not sure how honest she is with me about that and it's not like I'm forcing her to do it, But consistently making a good point may have resonated.

I think what also had to do with it was she has a friend who she went to school with and was kind of close with who is now pregnant and So it seemed like kind of a wake-up call for her. One of the reasons why I brought up this thread again is because the other day her and I were having this discussion about how she gets catcalled a lot on the street and has General anger and feels like she wants to be violent toward Men who see her sexualized, even though she presents herself extremely sexually and says that's only for people who I want to see it. And like yeah I understand Creeps in person and on the internet can hurt someone's self-esteem I acknowledge that unwanted, unsolicited and excessive attention can be frustrating.

I do have a problem with anyone the internet messaging or commenting on some random profile's anything sexual right off the bat unwarranted I think that's creepy, which is one of the reasons why we don't like to share profiles on this site...I could go on and on about this but she kept talking about how just the idea that men are looking at her and thinking about her sexually makes her want to hurt them. I was trying to make the point that like men and women who are sexually attracted to people whether the person is back or not or going are going to have sexual fantasies and as long as they don't take action is kind of a no-harm no-foul thing and trying to thought police people about what you think they're thinking about is just shitty.

Anyways that conversation specifically isn't why I am posting it's because yesterday she showed me a picture of that pregnant friend that she had, I mentioned earlier and she was like probably 7 months-ish in the picture that she showed me saying that this freaked her out when she saw this and that she will always see this person as the person that she knew when she was like 12. And just can't believe that like this exists it feels wrong.

I was just thinking in my head the whole time, holy shity this girl that she's showing me a picture of is super fucking attractive, and so I just commented on how her hair looks pretty it was like multicolored frizzy and then just kind of said "she's young, but that's life, people will adjust, she'll probably be a good mom" while just saying in my head to myself don't tempt yourself with this girl it's not like I would ever have a shot with her, she lives hundreds of miles away, but just the fact that we had had a conversation yesterday about how she doesn't like it when people just sexualize people but then she shows me this picture of her smoking hot friend with a super cute round belly and she knows I have a pregnancy fetish.

It's like I don't feel like it was intentional baiting, I feel like my response was civil and calm but in my head, it was just like all I could think about was trying to look up this person's profile and see if I can find more pictures, I wouldn't interact with her but just to get off to them felt like even more thrilling to know that if my girlfriend found out I was masturbating to pictures of her pregnant friend that she would be beyond mad.

So I intentionally didn't look at the profile name or remember it so that I wouldn't try and do that... I don't know I feel like it's just a moment of having to deal with the realities of a fetish. You can't turn it off, you just kind of have to awkwardly sit there and hope that the person doesn't just keep talking about it. I also feel like it wouldn't be that awkward just because she knows my fetish, but just the reality of having to admit that like yeah I am one of those guys who thinks about certain girls in a sexual context a lot of the time, I think it's an inescapable part of my humanity and I shouldn't suppress it and just be perfectly honest about it, especially with my partner. But it's also just a thing that doesn't need to be said, I don't feel like I'm lying I just feel like I'm not saying all that's in my head because it's inappropriate in context. I kind of want to bring it up just to get it out of my head I can't really decide, if I wait too long it'll be weirder.