So I've had varicocele since early teens and am now mid 30s. Have done various rounds of sperm analyses with borderline below optimal results but only recently did a doctor explain that my output of below 100 million per ml is bad and likely caused by my varicocele. 

Varicoceles are treatable but there is no guarantee the sperm quality will improve. Especially since I've had mine over 2 decades. 

When I indulge in this fetish now, I cannot help but feel fucked up. It's a blow to my self esteem. I've been nutting raw in my partner and it makes no difference whether or not we use birth control.

I too am having issues. You can message me if you like.

I've been sterile pretty much my whole life, confirmed with multiple tests and years of unprotected sex. I make no sperm at all. There is 0 chance I can ever father a child. If being able to impregnate a woman and have your own genetic progeny is important to you, this kind of thing really can gut you. It made me feel like a worthless man, like what is the point of me?

Not gonna lie, that feeling hasn't gone away entirely, and I suspect it never will. I will most likely struggle with this my entire life. Like with most things that fucking suck, I've had to distract myself with stuff that brings me pleasure so I don't get depressed. Oh and therapy, lots of therapy...

I guess I'm trying to say I understand and I'm sorry. We can PM if you think it might help. Sometimes it can.

(September 28, 2023, 1:27 am)azwolm So I've had varicocele since early teens and am now mid 30s. Have done various rounds of sperm analyses with borderline below optimal results but only recently did a doctor explain that my output of below 100 million per ml is bad and likely caused by my varicocele. 

Varicoceles are treatable but there is no guarantee the sperm quality will improve. Especially since I've had mine over 2 decades. 

When I indulge in this fetish now, I cannot help but feel fucked up. It's a blow to my self esteem. I've been nutting raw in my partner and it makes no difference whether or not we use birth control.

Dude I had this exact problem. Got it fixed in my early 30s and nothing for a year, then we got lucky and ended up with an awesome kid even though my guys were borderline even after the surgery. Take heart, try the surgery, it may just work!

(October 5, 2023, 12:46 pm)supersonic Dude I had this exact problem. Got it fixed in my early 30s and nothing for a year, then we got lucky and ended up with an awesome kid even though my guys were borderline even after the surgery. Take heart, try the surgery, it may just work!

Did you do microsurgery or embolisation? Would you think that luck would have played out even if you hadn't had the surgery - how much did it improve after surgery?

(October 8, 2023, 3:00 am)azwolm

(October 5, 2023, 12:46 pm)supersonic Dude I had this exact problem. Got it fixed in my early 30s and nothing for a year, then we got lucky and ended up with an awesome kid even though my guys were borderline even after the surgery. Take heart, try the surgery, it may just work!

Did you do microsurgery or embolisation? Would you think that luck would have played out even if you hadn't had the surgery - how much did it improve after surgery?

Surgery. It wasn't that bad of a surgery. I got marginal improvement but it turned out to be enough.