As someone who deals with Social Anxiety issues, I can relate to a lot of this. I've spent most of my adult life simply going back and fourth to work and then spending time online when I get the chance.

Naturally, I'm quite an open, trusting, friendly and chatty person. However, during my mid-late teens I began to notice this was going against me - and peers started to basically walk all over me to the point it ground me down. I don't want to go too much into detail on a public forum, but lets just say I've been to a doctor about this very situation over how I feel at least three times over the last 11/12 years alone.

Social Media is a great tool to use - if you're a 'life and soul of the party' sort and have many friends. However, if you happen to be towards the opposite end of the scale - it can often make matters worse. For all the efforts you make, you find yourself not rewarded in the same way that others are. I'm on my second Facebook account which I basically only use to keep up to date with a few companies I follow and a few mutual-interest groups. That's it. I closed down my original Facebook account in 2014. It really got me down.

'Friends' are only of use when you're of school age in my opinion. Beyond that, they tend to backstab you and twist certain events (I went through a spate of it when I was 19/20 years old when I had my last few friends). Beyond that, they only really want to acknowledge you if you're on a similar 'social level' or 'lifetime progression' to themselves. After trying to make the effort and it being ignored (or worse - denied), I walked away. Five years ago I made the effort with my former best friend who I happened to bump into purely out of chance at the local pub. We kept in sporadic contact for a few years following that but after a decade apart, he was a completely different person who now shared virtually nothing in common with me any more. On top of that, the reasons behind our 'going of separate ways' were still very much there sadly. I went against my better judgement of revisiting my past and trying to reconnect - but sadly it turned out to be a frustrating waste of time. I'm glad I did it and made the effort so I don't have any "what if?" questions on my mind, but from my life experience it's better once you’ve walked away from someone - to stay away from there on in.

There are always people out there willing to talk and generally speaking, there's many good people here from my own experience. I wont say "chin up" or anything of that nature because I appreciate how easy it is to say and how hollow it can sound. I've been there... Several times. What I will say is that no matter how low you feel or how hopeless your situation looks to you - there's always someone out there who you can compare your experiences with and show you understanding. I do genuinely wish you well.

Can't even express how much I relate to this thread. I've gotten ghosted so many times that I feel hollow, and any sort of feeling about "catching the butterflies" or "feeling the passion," I don't have that anymore. Its raw bitterness to the point where I've been shotgunning swipes on dating apps so that I can have the freedom of choice as to who I let into my life.

I don't feel like a good person anymore. If I start a conversation, with any woman, I walk in with the assumption there's an ulterior motive to her talking to me. Then I start playing the gaming, finding out what she wants out of me. Then the game gets more interesting. How to turn her motive against her. Once again, I sound like a terrible person for thinking in this way, but I chock it up to the consequences from rejections/ghosts I've had to endure. I've placed barriers around myself so that I don't go insane from the level of selfishness I see on these dating apps today.

Shit you not, had someone like me a few hours ago. Asked her a legitimate question based on her profile. The immediate, IMMEDIATE, response from her was "hey wanna join my private or buy content?" and then she answered my question. This conversation went on with just her saying she was on the dating site to promote herself. Took me awhile to get any other information out of her when suddenly, she explains why she's doing this snapchat gig: she was a let-go bartender who was too young to drink, and now she's currently 7 months pregnant. Then she asked about me joining her thing. I told her no. Then she ghosted.

The moment money is off the table that causes a woman to ghost pisses me off to no end. Money. Its always fucking money. If I wanted to dump cash on a chick, I'd go to a strip joint or some equivalent. Hell, there's enough porn on the internet to sustain decades. But if women are going to ask for payments just to fucking interact with them, what the fuck is the point?!

Anyways, rant over. The moral, if any, from this story is know yourself, guard yourself, measure your worth, and then compare it to the cost that these women ask of your time.

You only live long enough to become the villain of your own story.

(March 22, 2021, 1:10 am)commonlyknownas The moment money is off the table that causes a woman to ghost pisses me off to no end. Money. Its always fucking money.

I imagine a lot of women would say this exact same thing, but replace money with sex. Would they be entirely wrong? I don't want to jump into anyone's pants, but if there's absolutely no possibility of sex EVER, well... I'm probably not going to be all that interested because that's part of how I connect with people.

That's not to ignore the rest of what you're saying or feeling, though. I'm with ya. I hear ya. As a rule, when someone mentions their content or OnlyFans or whatever, just report them unmatch -- they're advertising. May as well be a bot. And it's unfortunate because some of us are actually on those apps to form substantial relationships, not to do business. But even that fails because oh boy, we've matched! So we talk for a few minutes and then get ghosted. What the flying fuck...

While I can to some point imagine how this all might make you feel, an over arching theme here is only interacting with people online; Only interacting in hopes of gaining something (be it a connection, a friend, a date, etc) or only wanting to discuss things you yourself enjoy.

We’re all social being and while some of us do prefer a more introverted existence (which is perfectly fine as long as you are content with it) we can’t blame all social short comings on others as its simply not the case.

I’m a social researcher, I spend the majority of my time at work or at university busting my balls off on another academic endeavor. Funny thing is, I have a lot of friends, genuine ones at that. Heck it sure isn’t because I’m the life of the party, have all the time in the world to interact with these people or am rich and have all the money in the world to spend on them. I have a lot of friends because I genuinely try and interact with them as I would want them to interact with me. Some of my favourite topics are very specific (while also being very vast) and I would never use them during an actual conversation with someone I haven’t known for years. Because hell, I’m sure talking to someone I just met about critical realism or other ontological and epistemological underpinnings of my favourite academic works would definitely get me ghosted or ignore, and by all means it should, because its in all rights a generally very boring topic, just one that I love. However, I can’t expect people that don’t know about it to be able to connect, hell, 5 years ago I wouldn’t have been able too either and not for lack of trying.

Making friends and forming connections is a bidirectional dynamic. It depends on both people (or how many people are involved) and when it goes wrong, it’s generally the fault of both people too. I may be wrong, but I think the connections I have formed are due to a number of reasons. 1) I will literally chat with anyone and about anything, 2) I will actually do my best to go along with a conversation even if its about something I may not be particularly interested in (I just find a way to also include some things I enjoy too). 3) I use a lot of humor.

I’m no social wizard, but I have old colleagues I haven’t worked with for years still calling me on a monthly basis to meet up. I have friends I have known for years (from school and university) and am confident that I can make friends in most situation. And yes, I have also dated and been in my fair share of romantic relationships which where great too.

Thing is, I know why I manage to make connections. It’s because I constantly work on myself, I try to train, I try to read about everything (even if it doesn't interest me as much), I have a lot of hobbies, I travel as much as I can and try to absorb as many cultures as I can, I use a lot of humor, and most of all I genuinely do my best to care about what another person is saying or experiencing.

If a colleagues sister is in hospital i’ll ask how she’s doing. Not in a “I want to know” but in a “I genuinely care” way, and make sure they know to let me know if they need anything (And although I would absolutely and genuinely mean it, chances are they never will, but chances also are that that interaction would have meant a lot too them). If a friend had a job interview, I will actually remember and ask him how he feels about it or how it went. I don't like football, not in the slightest. But I know all the rules because I went out of my way to learn them and when a colleague or friends ask me to go and watch a match with their friends, I go. Not because I I enjoy the game, but because I know they like it, and I like beer which they will most probably sell there, so I take the good with the bad. I also try to relate to most things, and that works miracles in most conversations (not turning it about me, that would suck. But being able to relate in a way or another such as saying “oh thats I like that to! Have you ever...” or “I’ve been to that country too, did you visit so and so, I think that must have been my favourite part/ I’d love to fo there, is it as amazing as I’ve read ?”. What i’d basically be doing by relating like that is encouraging them to talk more about themselves.

With regards to my romantic life, I have never intentionally looked for a partner and I refuse to ever do that. I work on my self and sometimes people with the same inclinations gravitate toward that. And if no one is attracted, so be it, it’s not the end of the word. But what I don’t do is stay home and sulk about how a conversation didn’t go well or how no one will talk to me. If people don't talk to me, i’ll talk to them, if it doesn’t work out, I haven't lost or gained anything. And most importantly, I never interacted with any expectations (be it sexual, social or whatever)

And also, if you want real a connection, online isn’t the way to go. Real connections are based on similarity, effort, proximity and a million other factors that you can’t get online. The premise of online dating is intrinsically superficial, you literally swipe left of right depending how visually appealing a person is. Why the hell would you expect anything other than the same superficiality directed back to you ?

I do understand that these things can be really hard, but they are hard for everyone. You just need to put the effort into it.

This being said, this is my own opinion and is in reality worth nothing. So if you disagree, that cool, but personally it sounds a little said hearing “it’s the females’ fault”. As if they are some deviant gender or different species all together. Just as man males do the exact same thing. Its not a Gender issue, but rather an individual one. This goes for all parties involved in an interaction.

(March 26, 2021, 5:42 am)Potatoman324 And also, if you want real a connection, online isn’t the way to go. Real connections are based on similarity, effort, proximity and a million other factors that you can’t get online. The premise of online dating is intrinsically superficial, you literally swipe left of right depending how visually appealing a person is. Why the hell would you expect anything other than the same superficiality directed back to you ?

I appreciate your point of view but find this statement in particular to be utterly tone deaf and demeaning. Many of us do not interact with the world in a way that affords us the opportunity to "just meet people" and are instead forced to make use of tools that help us optimize our chances of meeting people with similar interests. This does not mean that we aren't seeking "real connections" -- they just have to start out online. We don't want them to stay online.

I can tell you, for example, that my political and religious preferences make it so that if I were to just start talking to random people in my area, I might be able to make polite conversation for a few minutes but would find quite quickly that I'm unable to relate to them once moving to deeper topics, the ones I need to feel are in alignment before I can really bond with a person. In other words: investing time in that approach is wasteful and disappointing, and I'm better off only communicating with people who are basically wearing their core beliefs on their sleeve. And where does that happen? Online.

@Akhenaten while I had no intention of sounding demeaning, we have to be realistic about certain things. Limiting oneself to only online interactions is 100% certain to be detrimental in ones endeavors to meet people, especially those that are like minded. While I wish all of you the absolute best and genuinely hope all of you get exactly what you wish for through your preferred mediums, you can’t expect for miracles and the probability is that most individuals that limit themselves to only online interactions with specific people with specific interests are likely to end with none at all, or only fleeting or superficial ones. This is especially true when (and correct me if I misinterpreted the majority of the posts on this tread) the person makes no effort to seem interesting to others, yet expects others to be interesting. Ae can’t expect others to give enough of a shit to get to know us and learn about what we like, if we don’t offer them the same courtesy. From what I have read most people that posted here fall into the same archetype : Find me interesting, talk to be about what I like, accept me for me. Yet they wont bother to see what the other person likes, what the other person wants to talk about and what the other person feels.

Obviously I completely get that this isn’t applicable to everyone. And quite frankly I didn't read every post so I am wrong to generalize. But for those to whom it is applicable to, its not fair to expect others to care about what you like, when you don't give any of their interests the light of day.

(March 26, 2021, 7:26 pm)Potatoman324 From what I have read most people that posted here fall into the same archetype : Find me interesting, talk to be about what I like, accept me for me. Yet they wont bother to see what the other person likes, what the other person wants to talk about and what the other person feels.

My god, that's presumptuous. No one here has gone into any detail about how they strike up conversation with new people. You think because this forum is full of stupid men with their dicks in their hands that they must all be mouth-breathers when it comes to social interaction? Look, of course we like to talk about what we like. That's normal. And when getting to know someone new, we like to know what they like, too. That's the basic art of conversation. I'm really not understanding where this is coming from. There are legitimate complaints here about being disregarded and ghosted. We don't need to turn it into a woman-hating fest, because ew, but let's not belittle or ignore this very real and very hurtful phenomenon.

As I said, I was not generalizing and I did specifically I mentioned that I did not read every post. I also clearly states "From what I've read" at no point DID I claim it as factual. I’m also taking nothing away from what it must feel like to be Ghosted (I’ve been there too, it's not fun, but expected sometimes. It comes with the territory. Get back on your feet and try again). What I was doing, was giving my opinion about what I did actually read and what I interpreted from that.

An example is “ I don't feel like a good person anymore. If I start a conversation, with any woman, I walk in with the assumption there's an ulterior motive to her talking to me. Then I start playing the gaming, finding out what she wants out of me. Then the game gets more interesting. How to turn her motive against her”.

Does this seem like a healthy way to interact or start off an interaction ? Where you are literally trying to 'catch' people in the prospective 'Wrong doings". I genuinely hope this person is exaggerating. Yes, he’s been ghosted, thats not fun. But why is everyone putting so much hope into an initial meeting on an online platform anyways ? Thats literally how you get hurt and assuming everyone else is exactly like that encounter is far from healthy. While I agree that you shouldn't put to much hope into something that is not likely to happen and be mindful of the fact that you are on a site, WHERE you swipe left or right based on 1) a person’s looks and 2) a few sentences the site forces them to include (Superficial as hell. Why not try to swipe YES to everyone you come across ? Obviously you wouldn't do that but I'm 100% sure you'd meet a lot of interesting people too).

But alas, how can you expect anything serious from that ? It does not make sense (While I am sure there are people who have managed and I am so so happy for any such people (I know a couple myself and they are extremely happy), but I doubt its the norm by any stretch of the imagination). There is also the case where someone matches with you (Based on looks), but she/he finds you boring as fuck. They are there for the fun of it (as most are on such sites) and instead of going through explaining how they did not enjoy the conversation with you (as they have no social obligation to do so), they just ghost. It’s normal, you might have better luck next time (You may also have done it yourself too).

Also, be it venting or not, self pity never helped anyone. Instead try to cheer each other up and provide some sensible alternatives as opposed to painting an even bleaker picture. I personally have one online friend (Key word is FRIEND) which I adore and is an absolute blast. We met by absolute coincidence and with 0 intentions. But that's One person... In 10 years of being online... Who gives a shit about how many people ghosted me, I couldn't count and wouldn't want too because i'm simply not bothered by it. After all, I knew what I was getting into and had no expectations of it. I also did not limit myself to just an online presence (And a limited one at that).

Another example of what I was saying when I said people go in with particular expectations:

“I imagine a lot of women would say this exact same thing, but replace money with sex. Would they be entirely wrong? I don't want to jump into anyone's pants, but if there's absolutely no possibility of sex EVER, well... I'm probably not going to be all that interested because that's part of how I connect with people”.

While this mentality is perfectly fine on a dating site like Tinder or Badoo, or some other one, do you really expect it to get you anywhere in any other platform or actual social interaction ? Dude, you’re literally saying that you talk to people only if you believe there is a potential to have sex with them. Thats horrible, you’re taking every thing that person has to offer and degrading it to a literal “fuck”. I would personally be offended. You're also limiting yourself to an extreme degree, I don't know who you are or what you look like. Chances are those, not everyone you meet will be attracted to you (Its a fact, it's impossible for everyone to find you attractive) you're basically excluding all those people. Now, let's add the people that as you said have different religious backgrounds, than add individuals with differing likes, in addition add people that you can only meet online... Im no mathematician but that seems like a LOT of people you're just tossing aside.

Not to be rude, but no surprise you’re met with certain reactions such as ghosting when you put forward such sentiments and expectations of other people.

Again, I am certain this is not true for most. But I am only referring to what I have read, if you are not one of those then you need not give two chicken tenders about what I’m saying. After all, I’m just giving an opinion that is worth very little to begin with.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 An example is “ I don't feel like a good person anymore. If I start a conversation, with any woman, I walk in with the assumption there's an ulterior motive to her talking to me. Then I start playing the gaming, finding out what she wants out of me. Then the game gets more interesting. How to turn her motive against her”.

Does this seem like a healthy way to interact or start off an interaction ?

No, it sounds pretty awful. It's a shame that person's been reduced to that kind of interaction. I can't/won't defend that. Hopefully it can change.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Why not try to swipe YES to everyone you come across ? Obviously you wouldn't do that but I'm 100% sure you'd meet a lot of interesting people too.

I did try that for a long time. Crickets.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 There is also the case where someone matches with you (Based on looks), but she/he finds you boring as fuck. They are there for the fun of it (as most are on such sites) and instead of going through explaining how they did not enjoy the conversation with you (as they have no social obligation to do so), they just ghost. It’s normal, you might have better luck next time (You may also have done it yourself too).

Of course there's no obligation. No one owes anyone anything -- not even an explanation. That doesn't make it any less rude to just vanish on someone, just like if you were to up and leave the dinner table without so much as a wave goodbye, and it doesn't make it any easier for someone who's constantly being ghosted. "Oh, right, no one owes me the time of day. It's all good, now, and I feel better!" No. There's often real hurt and confusion. If someone says to others "please acknowledge my pain," is it so hard to just go ahead and do that?

I'd like to add that a lot of people ghost because they fear what might happen if they do take the time to explain why they're discontinuing the conversation. The person being ditched can become very spiteful, and even dangerous. Ghosting is often the safer option because of this. This is an unfortunate truth and we all need to acknowledge it, since it's almost certainly a factor every time it happens. That does not, however, make being ghosted feel any better.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Also, be it venting or not, self pity never helped anyone. Instead try to cheer each other up and provide some sensible alternatives as opposed to painting an even bleaker picture.

The OP literally named this post "I need to vent". Blow off steam. Have a pity party. Have other people say, "I hear you, man." I'm going to assume that the OP's a dude (no offense intended if not), and we all know the stereotype about how men and women converse about problems: men try to fix stuff, women just want to be heard. Right? (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg) Well, toxic masculinity aside, men need to be heard, as well. No one's going to fix anything here. We just want to say, "that sucks, and I've been there too, and I feel you. Sorry man." Seriously, there's no advice you can offer that will change that other people ghost. And there was no request for advice, either, so... you know.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Who gives a shit about how many people ghosted me, I couldn't count and wouldn't want too because i'm simply not bothered by it. After all, I knew what I was getting into and had no expectations of it. I also did not limit myself to just an online presence (And a limited one at that).

Good for you? Maybe you don't have anything to contribute to this particular conversation, since you take a different approach and have different outcomes altogether. Things that work for you and not for others. It's like a white person telling a black person to just smile at the nice officer when they get pulled over and everything's going to be fine.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Another example of what I was saying when I said people go in with particular expectations:

“I imagine a lot of women would say this exact same thing, but replace money with sex. Would they be entirely wrong? I don't want to jump into anyone's pants, but if there's absolutely no possibility of sex EVER, well... I'm probably not going to be all that interested because that's part of how I connect with people”.

While this mentality is perfectly fine on a dating site like Tinder or Badoo, or some other one, do you really expect it to get you anywhere in any other platform or actual social interaction ? Dude, you’re literally saying that you talk to people only if you believe there is a potential to have sex with them. Thats horrible, you’re taking every thing that person has to offer and degrading it to a literal “fuck”. I would personally be offended.

For your information, I'm demisexual. That means that once I begin to feel very, very close to someone, then I'm going to want sex so I can share a physical connection as well as an emotional one. It's part of love for me, and it takes months to get to that point. Other people are frustrated by how slow I am about it, but that's what I need. If there's zero possibility of that even happening, it's effectively saying a huge chunk of intimacy will be missing from the relationship, and that's not something I want to subject myself to. That's why I said "EVER" in all caps. How would you like to be told that there's no possibility of your partner ever speaking to you, or spending time with you? I mean, I don't know you, so maybe you're cool with that, but most people probably wouldn't be. Those are ways people connect -- just like sex. So, seriously, don't shit on people for marking that down as a requirement when seeking dating partners. And, of course, since it seems this needs to be specified, not every relationship a person has is going to result in sex, because some actually are friendships and that's okay (and it's also okay for people to have different preferences with regard to the types of relationships they seek out... there is not a one-size-fits-all and you have no right to tell people that they're offensive for seeking out specific connections in their lives).

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 You're also limiting yourself to an extreme degree, I don't know who you are or what you look like. Chances are those, not everyone you meet will be attracted to you (Its a fact, it's impossible for everyone to find you attractive) you're basically excluding all those people. Now, let's add the people that as you said have different religious backgrounds, than add individuals with differing likes, in addition add people that you can only meet online... Im no mathematician but that seems like a LOT of people you're just tossing aside.

I'm well aware of this. I'm unattractive and I've got strong opinions that run counter to my culture. It does have the effect of making it so that I'm unable to date most people in my area. But you know what -- I'm still allowed to think that sucks.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Not to be rude, but no surprise you’re met with certain reactions such as ghosting when you put forward such sentiments and expectations of other people.

In a dating context, I won't even begin to chat with someone unless I've cleared them on all the important stuff -- so it's not like one of those things comes up mid-conversation and suddenly, oh noes, we can't talk anymore because I've offended someone. What happens time and time again is that I'm chatting with someone and it's going quite well in fact -- and they just drop off the face of the earth. There's no catalyst. It just happens. You ask a question, and they don't answer. Conversation could have been going for an hour or two, or maybe a few weeks by that point. Poof.

Now, again, let's be super duper clear about this: no one owes anyone anything. No one owes anyone their conversation, company, interaction... nothin'. We all understand and accept that. That's how it should be, and that's how it is. But does that make it suck any less when you're on the receiving end of that treatment? Absolutely not. It still sucks, it still hurts. And it's okay to say, "wow, you know, I know that person has no obligation to keep talking to me or to tell me why they've decided to stop talking to me, but their just dropping me like that out of nowhere really confused me and hurt my feelings, and I need to express that... maybe to find some comfort, or to relate to someone who's experienced similar pain." It's about just being human for each other for a minute. Not letting it devolve into "bitches be CRAZY!" or anything shitty like that. No misogyny. But if there's a trend (i.e. people who identify as a certain sex being the vast majority of folks engaging in a certain behavior), it's fair to state that for the sake of argument. So far, this post appears only to have garnered responses from men (an assumption on my part) but it'd be cool to hear other points of view, because anyone can get ghosted and hurt.

(March 27, 2021, 6:47 am)Potatoman324 Again, I am certain this is not true for most. But I am only referring to what I have read, if you are not one of those then you need not give two chicken tenders about what I’m saying. After all, I’m just giving an opinion that is worth very little to begin with.

I do give two chicken tenders about your opinion. It's as valid and meaningful as the OP's, as mine, and as everyone else who's contributed to the conversation. However, it is very "well shit guys, this worked for me, why can't you just be more like me?" and that's bleh. I was hoping to express that things are... bigger than that.

Than I apologize @Akhenaten at no point was it my intention to offend anyone here or seem pretentious when I shared my own experiences.