Hey guys. I’ve been lurking on here for a while. I have a girlfriend, but I haven’t told her about my fetish because I am afraid how she would react. I’ve even spent money on buying some preggo vids off many vids while we have been together. Recently we moved in together, and something changed  I’ve just started feeling insanely guilty about buying the videos. She knows that I watch porn and is fine with that, and hasn’t said anything about buying videos, but I feel like maybe I violated her trust. I’m not sure, but I just can’t shake this feeling. Any advice would be great. I really love her and don’t want to lose her, maybe I’m overreacting?

We're hardly the people to ask advice on this particular subject but IMHO you should pull away. Whether shes okay with it or not, you are aware something isnt right about focusing your sexual energy on other women who arent her, and thats probably where the guilt comes from. Its good youve been open about it with her and she acknowledges that you watch porn occasionally. But its one thing to have a fantasy and another to "immerse" in it. Porn is sometimes too easy to get comfortable with given how easy it is to access these days. If you are serious about this girl, let her be the only one in your life and give 100% to that love.

If it helps your decision, place the shoes on the other feet. Would you be perfectly fine knowing she masturbates to and spends money on male fetish porn? In the end, follow your gut, and your heart. She will love you, porn is indifferent.

Should I tell her about this? I really love her and I don’t want to lose her. I’m willing to drop this completely

(May 9, 2023, 6:42 pm)nosferatu_jr Should I tell her about this? I really love her and I don’t want to lose her. I’m willing to drop this completely

I mean in my experience you should always be honest with your partner. You dont need to go into extreme detail but it sounds like its eating you up hiding it. Knowing you care more about her than any fantasy is pretty wholesome and I think it will bring far more happiness and trust within your relationship to leave this fantasy behind. Besides, you can replace it with a new fantasy of maybe one day starting a loving family with her, and having a pregnant girl thats all yours instead of shwackin it to randos.

Again, I'm not a relationship guru and you should always do what you feel is best.

Frankly it sounds like your already halfway commited to dropping this anyway. Just do it. There are literally zero disadvantages to abstaining from fetish porn and only benefits to your relationship. Do it while youre motivated instead of being habitually stuck on a fetish like the lot of us.

Just an idea from experience, not that you should try it, but i would.

Next time you are both in a situation where a pregnant woman is obviously featured,
maybe start a conversation by softly saying something like "this might sound weird, but, I think you'd look good like that..."

I said this once to a longtime friend i wanted to get closer with, her reaction was unexpected.

In a phone conversation, she told me that when going trick or treating with her sisters kids she "went as Pregnant"
shes a very pretty gal with a voluptuoius figure, i couldn't help but say "whoa, I wish I'd seen that, .. I think you'd look good like that"

I heard her gasp, and say, .."Well... THANK YOU!" Why didn't i do that earlier.

It sounds like time to see a therapist. If this relationship is getting serious, you want to be in a relationship where you can be yourself. So there's a question about how important the fetish is to you --- if it's important to you, you should probably tell her about the fetish or at least make it clear you want to buy porn videos and get her opinion on that.

Or maybe the fetish isn't important to you and you're ready to move on from it --- but that's the kind of thing (IMO) you would should do *for yourself,* not for someone else. Trying to change who you are in order to please your partner is complicated.

A therapist could help you figure out: do I want to stop watching porn for me (to be a "better" man or feel better about myself) or because I feel have to in order to deserve my GF? The first one is great, but the second one sounds like there are other issues involved you might want to work through.

Another question is: are my fears concerning my girlfriend realistic? You seem to assume that your girlfriend won't accept your fetish or your porn viewing habits. But is that based on real evidence or are you just making it up in your head? That's part of what a therapist is for.

The last thing: you might want to tell your girlfriend about your fetish or your porn viewing habits. A therapist would help you figure this out. Is this fetish really important to you? Would your girlfriend reject you if you told her about this? These can be scary questions to deal with on your own, but these are really common questions people work through in therapy. You are not alone, nothing you are saying makes you weird or anything like that, and therapy could really help you navigate these questions.

(For what it's worth, I don't see the difference between"watching porn" and "buying porn." Porn videos were made to be bought. There's a difference between buying videos and cheating/flirting. You are being pretty hard on yourself.)

I’d say you are overreacting mate. If she is okay with you watching porn the vids you purchased did not violate her trust. It would be different if you led her to believe you were not watching any type of porn but were doing so behind her back.

As far as the fetish goes I’d say tell her about it. Chances are she will respond positively and you might be able to get her to do preggo role play with you. So far every woman I have told about the fetish found it fascinating and were curious to learn more about why I find pregnant women attractive.

Update: I told her about it and she was completely fine with it. Thanks for the advice everyone I’m glad I told her. She even said “oh so you’ll find me super hot when I’m pregnant then?”. She didn’t say anything about doing role play which would be fun but I don’t want to push my luck ahah

Late to the party but congrats on getting it off your chest! I was going to say, the fact that you feel guilty about something that is totally innocent & that you'd been reasonably open with her about is honestly pretty endearing. It's clear you care a lot about her, not just in how you've expressed that verbally. Her response is 10/10. Happy for you guys <3