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Continued Life Advice
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Rudwah
Hey guys, since I got such a good turn out with my lost post, I am seeking advice from you all again.

First, my dating saga with my HR supervisor has kinda come to an end. This is not because we hate each other but because she put her 2 weeks in! She got a new job that has predetermined hours. She will work no later than 6 and says we'll be able to hang out more! However, I won't see her at work. So there is no barrier to us socially, work related, to dating. She still doesn't want to get back into a relationship after the long, nasty one she had.

She was originally to get January 7th off to come out with my family for Orthodox Christmas, she was gonna be the first girl ever to do so but now, she's unsure about getting the day off. She says she'll try, I don't believe her simply because I'm paranoid and assume she doesn't actually like me and will find another guy the second she gets to her new job.

I can't tell if I should trust her words because I am so hell bent on everyone being against me and lying to me and I actually have hard times trusting anyone. She is interested in me, she admitted that, she said she was going to date around and that I'm not off the table. She also said once that we were never going to talk again, then immediately went back on it, then said never again, and then we're talking again, going out to lunch, and she bought us condoms.

So of course, I am freaking out. I'm actually on the edge of puking over this. There is more to this though, all my friends just put their two weeks in. My one really, really good friend is moving to Florida. My other friend got a job in his college field, the other is quitting to go to college full-time. I can't fault any of them for this and I am very happy for them but that means I lose my work friends, who are my real life friends. It also means work will get a million times harder. No HR supervisor means our incompetent "I throw shit at you" general manager will do the hiring. She is a train wreck. That also means, of those 3 other coworkers, that leaves me the LONE guy in charge of electronics. Meaning, on days I'm not there, the inventory will never get done. Fucking great. Amazing!

So now my job is exponentially worse! My personal life is in the wind, and I can't tell if I'm over thinking this or legitimately need to be worried. I am making my girl...gal, whatever, her Christmas present right now. I painted some Chinese cherry trees, framed them, put a Chinese idiom on them that means "Freedom in this place" because she moved away from her abusive past and into her present. The Chinese is important because I studied Chinese for 8 years, it is my academic expertise. I'm so terrified right now, what should I do guys?

Also, lost Monday I lost my virginity to a pregnant escort, that was kind of a big deal. My HR supervisor helped me actually drive to the area I needed to be in for the illustrious encounter to occur. Please help me out, are my fears unfounded or legitimate? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Is this move of my HR supervisor from a coworker to a friend who works at another place a good thing? I really...really like her. Like, we talked about marriage, babies, killing ourselves, sex, etc, etc. Things are moving so fast...
doubleintegral
(Edited)
(Edited)
Hoo boy. Where to start?

(December 19, 2016, 8:52 pm)Rudwah First, my dating saga with my HR supervisor has kinda come to an end. This is not because we hate each other but because she put her 2 weeks in! She got a new job that has predetermined hours. She will work no later than 6 and says we'll be able to hang out more! However, I won't see her at work. So there is no barrier to us socially, work related, to dating. She still doesn't want to get back into a relationship after the long, nasty one she had.

She was originally to get January 7th off to come out with my family for Orthodox Christmas, she was gonna be the first girl ever to do so but now, she's unsure about getting the day off. She says she'll try, I don't believe her simply because I'm paranoid and assume she doesn't actually like me and will find another guy the second she gets to her new job.

I can't tell if I should trust her words because I am so hell bent on everyone being against me and lying to me and I actually have hard times trusting anyone. She is interested in me, she admitted that, she said she was going to date around and that I'm not off the table. She also said once that we were never going to talk again, then immediately went back on it, then said never again, and then we're talking again, going out to lunch, and she bought us condoms.

Re: the bolded parts, I stand by my advice in the other thread (although I'm not sure I realized that girl-you-had-a-crush-on and girl-who-stopped-talking-to-you were the same person): forget this girl and move the fuck on. NOW. Life is too short to put yourself through all that bullshit. You are going to be devastated when (and I do mean when) you invest further into this relationship just to see it go south. Better to get out now and save yourself the emotional turmoil.

Quote:So of course, I am freaking out. I'm actually on the edge of puking over this.

Trust me, I've been there. It's really not worth it.

Quote:Also, lost Monday I lost my virginity to a pregnant escort, that was kind of a big deal. My HR supervisor helped me actually drive to the area I needed to be in for the illustrious encounter to occur. Please help me out, are my fears unfounded or legitimate? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Is this move of my HR supervisor from a coworker to a friend who works at another place a good thing? I really...really like her. Like, we talked about marriage, babies, killing ourselves, sex, etc, etc. Things are moving so fast...

Seriously, what the fuck??? You're concerned about her, but you go and use her to pull some shit like that?

It's obvious to me that you are not emotionally ready (and possibly not yet mature enough) for a long term relationship.
Rudwah
No wait, you misinterpret. She didn't help actually drive me, physically, she gave me directions, she knew how to get to the town. Boy that was written poorly as fuck.
doubleintegral
(Edited)
(Edited)
(December 20, 2016, 12:07 am)Rudwah No wait, you misinterpret. She didn't help actually drive me, physically, she gave me directions, she knew how to get to the town. Boy that was written poorly as fuck.

Well, that's only slightly less fucked up.

What right do you have to be concerned about her when you are running around giving your V-card to escorts? How do you think that would reflect on you if she found out? Would she be justified in kicking you to the curb for doing that?
Rudwah
Um, she knows. She bought me the condoms. There is more to our sex life, and I mean her sexual history and my own sexual history, that I am not going to go into detail on for extreme privacy reasons but because of our past (which we openly admitted to each other in August, well, I admitted mine in November, she admitted hers in August), we are very open with sex. Like, she encouraged it. When I got to work the next day, she and I waited till our managers were gone, ran into the back, locked hands and jumped all giddy for joy that I finally lost it, I finally am a man. That's a huge deal to her.

Yes, our relationship is fucking weird, but we're weird and abused people. We have a chemistry that everyone at work sees and everyone says one of two things will happen, she and I will break each other and probably one of us will commit suicide then the other, or we will complement each other, fill the holes in each others life. I'm logical, irrational as fuck, unstable, but I'm safe, relatively placid, and smart. She's a hot mess of emotion but has a sense of drive and motivation that manages to spur my...how do you say...dormant self. I mean, I've been socially dead for 2 years now. Like, social death, the concept of having lost or given up on social interactions and opportunities due to factors that are either in your control or outside of your control. In my case, I chose to accept the oncoming social death and hasten it along, just to get it over with and now here comes a girl who takes me out, who gets me to go back to my old college's campus for fun. A girl who takes ME to places, while I provide her with some emotional boost. She thinks so lowly of herself and I assure her she's not as terrible as she thinks. This weird push and pull effect is strange and I've never felt it with a woman before. I don't know if it's right because I've only felt the one-way pull, love that goes without reciprocation. I think I feel her reciprocating my feelings. She has even said she does to a degree but is more afraid of a relationship at this time then anything.

I need patience, but I'm afraid of being replaced. I can't go too slow then. I can't go too fast or she will withdraw or worse, throw me out. Tomorrow, I work with her and have her Christmas present finished. I'm going to give it to her and hope, hope, hope that she reaffirms her claim that we will hang out even more now.
doubleintegral
(December 20, 2016, 12:25 am)Rudwah Um, she knows. She bought me the condoms. There is more to our sex life, and I mean her sexual history and my own sexual history, that I am not going to go into detail on for extreme privacy reasons but because of our past (which we openly admitted to each other in August, well, I admitted mine in November, she admitted hers in August), we are very open with sex. Like, she encouraged it. When I got to work the next day, she and I waited till our managers were gone, ran into the back, locked hands and jumped all giddy for joy that I finally lost it, I finally am a man. That's a huge deal to her.

These details were previously omitted. However, that doesn't really change my opinion on the matter and I stand by what I've said in this thread and the other:

1. The tenets of your relationship don't scream "long term relationship" to me. Not out of the realm of possibility, but far out of the realm of likelihood. Her helping you hook up with an escort may seem great now, but this will inevitably lead to feelings of jealousy and inadequacy later on. A long term relationship simply cannot be built upon that.

2. It's obvious to me that, despite you being smitten with her, she is not smitten with you. At best, she is making you play bullshit games to win her affection (by telling you that you're "not off the table", the on-again off-again silent treatment, etc.); at worst you are firmly stuck in the Friend Zone (which would explain a whole hell of a lot).

3. You are not emotionally ready for a long term relationship. Start working to reduce your emotional attachment and take this relationship for what it is: a good, unusual relationship that could possibly turn into a friends-with-benefits thing. I really don't see it becoming more than that, and you'd be better off realizing that sooner rather than later because it's obvious this is starting to eat you alive.
motofoko
I`m not saying there is nothing more to be exploited from this relationship, but You rather don`t put your expectations very high.

If I was a girl caring about a guy as a man, not just as a fascinating being whose life is probably comparably messed up as mine,....no way he would be loosing his virginity to anyone else but me.
Rudwah
Well, things are working out ok so far, we went out the other night, had a good time. She enjoyed her Christmas presents, I got a kiss. I'm ok with all this so far lol.
BelliusMaximus
I had a girlfriend back in 7th grade who loved playing the "I could break up with you cause I got 10 guys lined up waiting to go out with me" BS. After hearing that about 3 times I finally told her to F off and dumped her. The look on her face when I called that bluff was priceless.

She got pregnant by the 10th grade by the next guy she dated and eventually married him. They now have 6 kids and live in a trailer park. She was immature as hell and it sounds like the same BS crap this one is trying to play with you.

No one deserves to hear some BS line like "well you aren't off the table..." Tell her she either wants to date you or not and just move on if she doesn't want to.

Just read your last post about giving her a bunch of presents and getting a kiss in return. Be careful she isn't using you to get a bunch of stuff in return for the "hope" of getting something. There's some real shady women out there that do that kind of crap to guys that let them.
Liked by orta03 (Dec 23, 2016)
doubleintegral
(December 23, 2016, 2:22 am)BelliusMaximus Just read your last post about giving her a bunch of presents and getting a kiss in return. Be careful she isn't using you to get a bunch of stuff in return for the "hope" of getting something. There's some real shady women out there that do that kind of crap to guys that let them.

Yep. She knows she's got you wrapped around her finger (women are pretty damn observant) and can use that to manipulate you. Just keep that in mind.
Liked by orta03 (Dec 23, 2016)

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